Yes, that is right I get scared and I get scared often. People that know me would laugh and say you scared.. bears and sharks are scared of you. So this post I wanted to write about earlier but I have been scared.
I am scared because I am developing feelings for someone and I will be meeting them in person in a few days. She knows about the website and there is a good possibility she may see this and that freaks me the f…. out.
Before I talk about feelings for her I wanna talk about something I discovered about myself. You can say my last relationship was a safe choice but I was never head over heels for my ex. Not saying I didn’t love her or respect her but that wow factor was mild. I have had a few relationships were that wow factor was crazy and sadly never made it to third base with them. I am good at screwing things up, but I’m learning and getting better at not. So this girl, woman I am talking to seems to have that wow factor, but I won’t know till we go on a few outings together.
I wanna talk about how I feel about her. Some insight on my thought process. A big one is she is kind and kind hearted. The story she gave when one of her students reacted and how she handled it. How she handled her children and how she talks about her ex. How she takes the time to spend time with her children. The questions she asks me and how she responds during our voice and text chats. I can keep the list going easily.
She is organized. This is neat to learn about her. How she organized her classroom, to her home. Seen a few pictures of her decorations. This one is important, she has her life organized. I get the feeling she is stressed and anxious about things and she is worried but from my outside glimpse she has it together and built a great support structure around her. This is priceless and here is why. Let’s say our relationship works out. There will be times which is inevitable she will get mad at me for something. Her friends will be there for her and help guide.hee through whatever upset her.
Her values and outlook in life. Values can be different for each person. Her values and mine line up similarly. From how we treat our children to the community we serve and even how friendships are held. Being a good person and doing the right thing when no one is looking takes a conscious effort and I believe she fits this mold.
Lastly I want to talk about is communication. She is able to communicate her thoughts clearly. This one personally is hard for me and I have been working on expressing my feelings more. I feel vulnerable (hence I’m scared) when I do this. I think she feels the same vulnerability too because we both were hurt in our previous relationship. None the less she has been openly expressing about her feelings and I think it helps I am trying too!
Anyways, if you are reading this I am nervous, excited, happy and ready to meet you.
Thank you for reading, I want to get more comfortable sharing my feelings and thoughts as I continue my journey. I want to be a better communicator and hopefully inspire more people to be positive and enjoy their own personal journey.
